Leading up to Mother’s Day, I’ve been thinking a lot about the mother and daughter dynamic. Mostly because right now, every day life with Ava is very up and down. In the same week, we can go from having a really great day, to a hellish couple of days, with absolutely no warning signs.
Starting school has a lot to do with it, but it’s reassuring to know that it’s not just Ava. Her little buddies are also acting up. The conversations at school drop off and pick up, are very much focused around coping with this new found attitude, and incredibly emotional mood swings.
The moodiness has been very unpredictable, and some pretty hurtful stuff is coming out of her mouth. It may seem like usual childish behaviour, but it doesn’t make it any easier to deal with.
I’m also very aware that she treats me differently to her Dad. There’s something about the mother/daughter dynamic that can be very volatile. I’m not sure why she pushes me harder, but it’s been that way from very early on.
She pushes my buttons like crazy, and it’s SO hard not to react. And like me, she likes to have the last word, which just keeps dragging it out. It’s so hard when you have this small person, standing there being rude and disrespectful, and there’s just no way of reasoning with them.
All my instincts tell me to yell at her, but that just doesn’t work. She does not respond well at all, and I don’t want to be that screaming banshee mother either. Argh, I’m finding it really, really hard to keep my voice down, and not REACT! It really is my natural instinct to fight back, but I can’t.
As an adult, if someone is rude and disrespectful towards you, you pretty much know how to deal with it. You make a choice of how to respond, and in most cases, you can walk away. But you can’t just walk away from your child, you need to be the grown up and do your best to resolve the issues, so you can all move on.
I asked Mum if I was like this at five, but she can’t remember that far back. I definitely remember being a right pain as a teenager. I would argue with Mum for the sake of arguing, but maybe that’s just part of being a teen. God help me when Ava gets there, I can almost hear the echoes of doors slamming in disgust!
I’m relieved to say, that this last weekend was pretty good. It was definitely a welcome relief after some very difficult days earlier in the week. The ban on TV and ipad time was lifted, and we spent Friday night snuggled up on the couch, eating pizza and watching a movie. There were no parties, no play dates, just quality family time at home. Yay!
So next week, I have my first session with a child psychologist. Not for Ava, for me. I’m not afraid to say that I need help, and I’m really committed to learning lots of new coping strategies for me and my girl.
Thanks for reading and chat soon,
If you can relate to this, you might like to read my previous post about my learnings from Term 1 here.